Suspicious Connections
3/20/25
By:
Alicia Kabore
& Hallie Beyer
The WIFI conspiracy

It's a normal day at school, everything’s going great, and then out of nowhere the wifi crashes out in the middle of class. Students groan as all teaching has to go on pause while waiting for the wifi to reconnect. It happens almost every day and in nearly every class. There’s nothing like being in the middle of a Kahoot and actually doing good, when all of a sudden, the entirety of the class’s internet loses connection. It takes like five minutes for everybody to reconnect, just for the wifi to crash again ten minutes later. Ever wondered why that is? Well, there’s no real answer—the wifi at Blanchet has simply been invaded by supernatural forces. Its failure is legendary. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you, it’s bad.
While possible explanations may include space aliens harvesting our internet or the teachers just fooling around with us, many have concluded that our campus location is placed at the worst possible dead zone in all of Salem, almost like a digital version of the Bermuda Triangle. Now you may be thinking, “Well, the wifi tech is outdated and the networking providers just have poor management over it,” or “Maybe the router placement is funky,” but how do you explain—oh, hold on a sec . . . wifi went out . . . reconnecting . . . still trying . . . almost there . . . okay, back on—why our wifi keeps glitching in and out of connection at the most random times and only for a few people a day? Doesn’t it seem kind of strange?
Perhaps the real reason is that there simply isn't enough bandwidth for everyone in the school to use at once. It might be the only logical answer, but maybe we’ll never know. One thing remains clear however: the wifi at Blanchet is in desperate need of a successful upgrade, or a sage cleansing in all of the classrooms, but until then, teachers and students alike will have to go through the struggle on a daily basis.
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